Often we come across the aggressiveness of children. Here’s the kid playing in the sandbox – instead of building the pyramids, he suddenly throws himself at the girl with fists. What are the reasons for this behavior? Maybe some parents exaggerate the aggression of a child. What if attempts to defend himself by attacking others is normal for a certain age?
guest post by: Melisa Marzett of Royal Editing
Getting to the Bottom of It
Psychologists say that in this case a child, armed with a spatula, can check the boundaries of what is permitted. Therefore, it is important for parents to understand: what do they want to teach their child? Here, with such seemingly insignificant nuances the nature of a person is laid down, as well as his attitude towards other people.
Speaking about the aggressive behavior of children, do not confuse it with whims. The child, for example, can be naughty and excited because he has not eaten, not slept, or, for example, is not used to being denied. In addition, have you ever thought about how often we suppress children, teaching them? As the American psychologist Kathryn Kvols has calculated, every day every parent presents over 2,000 unquestioning demands for immediate execution to his children.
The statistics look frightening: on average, a child receives only 12.5 minutes a day to communicate with parents. From this time, 8.5 minutes parents are assigned to various kinds of instructions, comments and arguments with their children. Only 4 minutes a day remains for friendly communication! Moreover, the child receives 432 negative and only 32 positive remarks from his parents on the average.
Therefore, children are often led to aggressiveness by the parents themselves. In order to understand this phenomenon, one should know that according to the scientific definition, “aggression is a motivational behavior or act that can often harmfully affect objects or physically damage other people, causing them to experience depression, tension, fear, an abnormal psycho experience. ”
How is aggression born? Aggression is behavior, and any behavior is caused by different feelings: there can be a feeling of fear, resentment … Children have a spurt of emotions spontaneously: accumulation – splash. By the way, this behavior is observed in adults who do not know how to manage their emotions. The result of an emotional outburst depends on both temperament and upbringing.
What To Do
Psychologists recommend to educate children without accumulating negative emotions. For example, how does the baby develop for up to a year? He is still small, he is not suppressed. If the baby is hurt – he screams, that is, spills out the negative emotions. In addition, as soon as he begins to grow up – the child is being asked to close the mouth. However, he can be silent to a certain limit. Then there is a breakdown.
Sometimes parents notice the atypical behavior of the girl. They condemn her for behaving like a boy, for example, fighting. If a little girl is fighting, it can mean that she is trying to attract attention. Maybe at home the girl does not feel loved. Do you hug her enough times, kiss her, do they tell about your love to her? All these questions are very important. The girl, perhaps, accumulates a negative, which can not be thrown out at home. At the same time she notices, that when someone hits someone -people pay attention! In such a way, a little girl is relieved of pain.
Adults often behave in exactly the same way: in response to the stimulus, someone is pushed, called a fool. The “victim” remains a sense of satisfaction from unconscious revenge, but after relief, dissatisfaction returns. That’s why it’s so important to keep track of your actions: we begin to understand the reasons for our behavior. In addition, do not ignore the problem. Every problem must be solved, because the situation will not improve itself. Look around: people live with pain, and we feel it everywhere: in transport, at work, at a party.
Often parents fear that a child can become aggressive by simply copying what he saw, for example, on TV. Yes, children perceive everything on emotions (more than adults do). Of course, they can borrow the behavior of their favorite hero. Nevertheless, if the parents communicate with the child at the level of the senses accurately, carefully – he will be afraid to hurt someone.
Formation of the life scenario begins from the earliest age. If a child is given unconditional love, the opportunity to experiment, feel strong – everything will be in order. Otherwise, the child will fight, begin to manipulate, etc. It may take several years to change the life program. However, it’s never too late to adjust the character.
About the author: This post was written by a very talented woman Melisa Marzett. Currently she works for Royal Editing and you are welcome to check for her inspiring posts there.